


Making a Choice

by LtTanyaBoone



Category: Pan Am
Genre: Abortion, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-11-04
Updated: 2012-11-04
Packaged: 2017-11-17 23:22:41
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,224
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/554327
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LtTanyaBoone/pseuds/LtTanyaBoone
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"“I’m pregnant.” she said, closing her eyes as the reality of the situation came crashing down on her."</p>
            </blockquote>





	Making a Choice

**Disclaimers:** Pan Am, the rights to the show and its characters do not belong to me. No money was made by this.  
 **Spoilers:** everything, AU  
 **Pairings:** past Kate/Niko  
  
 **Warning:** deals with abortion and is decidedly pro-choice

* * *

Kate drew a slow breath before she raised her hand and knocked on the door.

Somewhere in the apartment complex, a door slammed shut and shouting filled the staircase.

“ _Allez au diable!_ ” Colette snapped as she swung open her door only to freeze before she blushed.

 “I am sorry, I thought…” she apologized to Kate as she let the redhead enter. “They’ve been doing this for hours.” she explained with a nod towards her door after she had closed it. Only then did the French stewardess realize how shaken her friend looked, how pale she was and that her green eyes were read from crying.

“But I don’t think you want to hear about that.” she muttered, gesturing down the hallway. Kate shook her head as they went into the living room. She sat down on Colette’s couch and crossed her arms tightly. Before Colette could ask her what was going on, the redhead blurted it out.

“I’m pregnant.” she said, closing her eyes as the reality of the situation came crashing down on her. Finding out had been bad enough, but until now, she hadn’t said it out loud. Doing that made it more real than anything.

“ _Quoi?_ ” Colette breathed. Kate felt her shift on the couch and then the French woman’s hand touched her knee. She shook her head, biting her lip as the tears welled up in her eyes.

“I…” she said, shaking her head abruptly and reaching up to cover her mouth as she turned to look at her friend, feeling so utterly helpless and stupid. Oh yes, she had been stupid and reckless and-

“Okay. Okay, I was just, I did not know you were seeing anyone.” the brunette woman shrugged and Kate let out a bark of laughter.

“I’m not.” she admitted, drawing a shaking breath. “Not anymore.” she added, her voice barely audible. There was another crash outside the apartment and Colette stood, stalking over to the door. Kate heard her argue with whoever was running rampant on the staircases again, unable to make out what her friend was saying, but thankful for the few moments it gave her to collect herself, get a grip on her feelings.

When she returned, Colette wiped her hands on her skirt.

“I’m sorry.” she apologized softly as she sat down again. Kate shook her head, getting ready to stand and leave.

“No, it’s, I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have come, I just, I needed to talk to someone and Laura…” she trailed off, her eyes meeting the dark ones of her friend.

“I can’t have a child, Colette.” she breathed, clamping her hand over her mouth in horror at her own words. Still she knew that it was the truth. She was a stewardess at Pan Am; if word got out that she was pregnant… She’d be fired. Grounded for medical reasons, and then she wouldn’t be allowed to return, not as a single mother with a baby. A single mother with the father nowhere in sight.

Oh God, her own father would lose it, never mind the things her mother would say. She already saw her as the black sheep of the family and a bad influence on Laura, but this, this would make things even worse between them.

She had loved Niko, loved him still, but he was back in Yugoslavia, he wouldn’t be able to help, and… she couldn’t. She just couldn’t do this on her own.

To Kate’s surprise, Colette swallowed thickly before she nodded, reaching out to take her hand and giving it a hard squeeze, her eyes never leaving Kate’s.

“Okay.” she repeated, furrowing her brows in thought. “I might know someone who can… help.” the French woman muttered, drawing a slow breath. “But it is going to cost money, and possibly a lot.”

Kate nodded, withdrawing her hand as she stood and paced the length of her friend’s living room. “I know. I have some in the bank…” she trailed off, looking at Colette again. “Could you…”

“Talk to them? Yes.” Colette nodded, searching Kate’s face.

“I’m sorry, Colette.” the redhead apologized, causing the other woman to frown.

“What for?”

“Coming to you with… this.” Kate shifted on her feet, gesturing feebly. She knew who had raised Colette, knew what ideologies had shaped her since she was a little girl. Putting this on her...

“It’s alright.” Colette shook her head, getting up and walking over to hug her friend. “We’ll find a way out. A safe way.” she told her, squeezing Kate’s shoulders, the ever-present soft smile returning to her face.

* * *

“Bonjour.” Colette greeted the others as she stepped onto the plane when everyone else was already present. Maggie opened her mouth and recoiled slightly.

“Running late?” she asked pointedly when the French stewardess grabbed her gloves out of her bag and put them on, a light blush coloring her cheeks.

“I know, I’m sorry. I missed my alarm.” she explained, quickly striding down the aisle to Economy to help Kate make sure everything was in order.

“Hey.” the redhead greeted her friend as she stretched to push back the cushions. “We were worried you wouldn’t show up.”

“I had a long-distance telephone call.” Colette told her, giving her a pointed look. Kate cast a glance back at the front of the plane were Maggie and Laura were checking everything in First Class.

“And?”

“We have a problem.” the French stewardess told her, her eyes flickering over Kate’s shoulder briefly. “My acquaintance has relocated back to Canada.”

Kate’s face fell and she quickly closed her eyes to keep the tears at bay. Her one hope, quickly dissolving into mist.

“Well, thank you for trying anyway.” the redhead tried a tight smile, but when she turned, Colette grabbed her elbow.

“He gave me an address in Paris, one of his former colleagues runs it. That’s why I was late, I was at the bank, withdrawing money.” she explained hurriedly.

“Colette, you didn’t have to-”

“Too late.” the French woman told her, straightening when Maggie called to them to get back to the front of the plane. “We’ll discuss this later.” she said, pushing past Kate and plastering the Pan Am smile on her face when her heart was in her throat, making it hard for her to breathe.

* * *

Kate felt Laura stare at her when she signed for the hotel key.

“What?” the redhead asked as she handed the pen over to Colette and turned to face her sister.

“Nothing.” Laura shook her head quickly, grabbing her bag before she paused. “It’s just, you seem… strange.” she added, worry in her eyes. “It’s like you’re looking over your shoulder the whole time, and I heard you and Colette talking about money earlier on the plane… Are you in trouble?” she asked her and Kate’s jaw dropped before she shook her head, trying hard to fight the urge to laugh. Her sister thought she was having money issues. Oh God, the one time Laura wasn’t completely oblivious to the things going on around her, and then she still got the wrong idea.

“No.” Kate told her, reaching out to squeeze her sister’s arm. “No, I don’t have money trouble.” she said, giving her a reassuring smile. At least, Kate hoped that it would be reassuring. But Laura starting to grow worried would not do them any good, especially not since Kate was pretty sure that she’d be spending the 72 hour layover in her bed, looking like hell. If she’d be able to make the flight back, that was.

“Kate?” Colette’s voice cut through to her and the redhead nodded, grabbing her own carry-on and walking after the French stewardess. She’d been more than happy to share a room with Colette this time around, especially since she knew that Laura would only be asking questions, questions Kate didn’t particularly care to answer when her head was just a big mess anyway.

* * *

“You didn’t have to come.” Kate muttered as she wiped her clammy hands on her skirt, clutching her purse tightly. The eyes of the woman at the exchange register had almost popped out when Kate had handed her the money and she had calculated how much that would be in Francs. Never mind that what Kate had exchanged was a little more than half this was going to cost, Colette had gone to a different exchange office with almost the same amount of money. Just the thought of her bank account made Kate feel nauseated. Then again, perhaps that was more a side effect of her current condition.

“I am not leaving you in some weird doctor’s practice.” Colette shook her head, opening the door for Kate. “Never mind that your drugged brain might not be able to understand everything the man says.” she pointed out as they climbed the steps.

Kate wasn’t sure what she had expected, but it certainly hadn’t been a large practice with women in various stages of pregnancy sitting around, waiting for her appointment.

“Colette…” she breathed, suddenly feeling like she was about to be sick. Her friend grabbed her hand and gave it a hard squeeze before they went over to the front desk, where the nurse gave them both an intense look before she stood up and motioned for them to follow. They went to the back of the office and out the back door to a second staircase, where they went up one more floor. These rooms were empty, though everything smelled of disinfectant.

They were told to wait before the nurse disappeared again, closing the door behind her. Kate exchanged an uneasy look with her friend before Colette shrugged as she sat down in one of the chairs, grabbing a magazine before she threw it back down.

“They’re over two months old.” she said, resting her head against the wall. Kate started slowly pacing the waiting room, running a hand through her hair before she paused.

“You know, perhaps this wasn’t such a good idea.” she muttered, drawing a slow breath.

“Do you want to leave?” Colette asked her, sitting up straighter.

“I…” the redhead trailed off before she shook her head and sat down in one of the chairs. The American swallowed thickly, trying not to think about what she was about to do. It was for the best, really, but knowing that didn’t make it any easier. Or perhaps it was the fact that she had loved Niko, still loved him, and this was the last thing she had left of him.

“Kate?” Colette’s voice yanked her out of her thoughts and the redhead drew a shuddering breath, reaching up to wipe away the tears on her face. “Hey, you don’t have to do this.” her friend muttered, handing her a handkerchief. Kate shook her head and dabbed at her cheeks.

“I want to.” she breathed, feeling Colette tense up briefly before the French stewardess squeezed her knee in reassurance.

* * *

Kate flinched slightly when she shifted on her bed, sitting up to accept the glass of water Colette handed her. After she drank, Colette felt her forehead and made Kate roll her eyes.

“I’m fine.” she muttered, throwing back the covers.

“I know.” Colette quickly said, pulling back her hand. “I’m just making sure.” she added when Kate threw her a look. The redhead set her legs down on the floor and stretched before she slumped together again.

“What do I tell Pan Am?” she asked Colette, who let out a soft sigh. The doctor had advised her not to do any heavy work or fly for at least a week. How was she supposed to explain that to her employers? It wasn’t like she could tell them the truth.

“I don’t know.” the brunette admitted, looking up when there was a knock at the door. Colette got up and walked over, slightly surprised to find Laura standing there.

“Hey. Uh, Maggie and I were going to go dancing, you two wanna come?” the blonde stewardess asked and Colette barely resisted the urge to roll her eyes.

“Ah, _non_.” Colette shook her head, frowning slightly when Laura’s face fell. The younger woman shifted on her feet.

“Can I talk to my sister?” she requested.

“Kate’s not really feeling too great.” Colette tried to brush her off, but that only made the younger woman more determined. Before she knew it, Laura was past her and in the room. Colette drew a slow breath and closed the door, crossing her arms as she walked back into the room. To her surprise, Kate was standing, though the other woman did seem rather pale and… fragile.

“What’s going on?” Laura asked her, reaching out to brush back her sister’s hair.

“Nothing, I’m just a little under the weather.” Kate told her, leaning against the table. “You should go out with Maggie, don’t let me ruin your stay.”

“Kate-”

“It’s okay, I’m not in the mood for a fancy club, either.” Colette cut in. “I’ll stay with her, don’t worry.” she assured Laura. The younger woman gave her sister a suspicious and worried look before she deflated.

“Okay.” she muttered, hugging Kate tightly before she went back to the door. On the doorstep, she turned around to Colette. “I know something’s going on.” she told the French woman, looking over her shoulder. “I have no idea what, but you’re both acting really strange.”

“Laura…” Colette trailed off, furrowing her brows. She didn’t want to lie to the other woman, Kate was her sister and she was clearly worried. But she couldn’t betray Kate’s trust and tell her what was going on, either. Kate had made it perfectly clear that she didn’t want anyone to know.

“Just, watch out for her?” Laura pleaded and the French woman gave a nod.

“Of course.” she gave a soft smile, watching as Laura took a slow breath before she turned around and went down the hallway.

* * *

Kate closed the hatch and set out the two glasses on the tray, turning around and grabbing the bottle of champagne from next to Colette. The French woman looked up from the roast she was slicing with a soft smile before she returned to her work.

“I went to my doctor.” Kate said, checking that Maggie and Laura were occupied. In Maggie’s case, that meant flirting with one of the passengers; Laura was trying to pour another passenger a drink.

“Huh?” Colette looked up, wiping her hands on a towel.

“There won’t be a _surprise_.” the redhead told her, raising an eyebrow pointedly. Her friend swallowed before she nodded.

“Good.” Colette muttered, turning back to the food. “That’s good.”

Kate watched her, the tense line of her shoulders, the way she was avoiding her eyes. The way she had been avoiding her for a few weeks now. It seemed that any time she could have alone with Colette to talk, the French stewardess found something else to do that required her immediate attention.

“I don’t think I thanked you enough.” Kate said, waiting for Colette to look her way again. The brunette slowly set down the fork and knife and straightened. “Without you, I’d be in some really deep trouble now-”

“Kate.” Colette’s voice was sharp as she shook her head. “Don’t.” she pleaded, her shoulder slumping slightly when the door to the cockpit opened and Sanjeev came out.

“Got any coffee?” he asked the two women and Colette shook her head wordlessly, brushing past Kate to help a flustered Laura that couldn’t keep up with the passengers any longer.

* * *

“Okay, I’m sorry, I don’t get it.” Kate pushed as she threw down her suitcase on her bed, turning around to stare at Colette. “First you’re full of support, and now you’re treating me like I made the worst decision of my life.”

“I am not doing that.” Colette shook her head, opening her own suitcase and taking out her dress and skirt to hang them up.

“Yes, you are!” Kate argued. Colette paused in finding a hanger and turned around to her friend, putting down her clothes slowly.

“You are my friend, Kate. I was there for you, because it’s what friends do. And perhaps it was the right decision for you and you can go on with that, but I have to come to terms with my part in this-”

“Your part?” Kate raised an eyebrow in surprise.

“I gave you the address, I went with you, I helped you get the money for it…” the French woman trailed off and suddenly, something in Kate’s head clicked.

“How did you even know who to talk to about this?” she asked, and just like that, Colette’s eyes flickered away from hers again before the woman turned around abruptly, yanking down a hanger and putting up her clothes. “Colette?” Kate softly said, walking over to her and touching the other woman’s shoulderblade. Colette paused and drew a deep breath.

“After John…” she started, shaking her head slightly. “I thought I might be.” she admitted, giving Kate a look. “I told someone and they gave me an address. I didn’t end up needing it; it turned out to just have been flying that threw my body off.”

Kate’s jaw dropped and she blinked in surprise before she shook her head. “Why didn’t you tell me?” she asked her. Colette shrugged.

“You had enough on your mind, with Laura living with you and joining the crew and Bridget being gone…” Colette trailed off. “Besides, it was something I had to make my mind up about on my own. And truth be told, I don’t know if I would have done it.” she breathed. “I understand why you did, why others do, but… My Church doesn’t even want me to contraception; can you imagine the way my priest would react if I went to Confession and told him about this?”

Kate couldn’t help the soft laugh that escaped her at the thought of some old man hearing Colette confess to helping a friend get an abortion, or contemplating having one herself.

“I’m sorry, Colette.” she apologized after sobering. The French woman looked at Kate and sighed.

“Don’t apologize.” she told her, running her hand down Kate’s arm. “I did not mean to make you feel bad, truly not. It’s just been on my mind.”

“Yeah, mine, too.” Kate remarked and their eyes met for a second before they suddenly burst into laughter, hugging each other.

“I owe you big time.” Kate muttered before she let Colette go again.

“Ah, _non_.” the French woman shook her head, sending her bob flying. “But now that you mention it, I have never been fond of Economy.” she suddenly perked up, causing Kate to laugh again.

“Okay. For the rest of the month, I take your Economy calls.” she agreed.

“Thank you.” Colette grinned; crinkling her nose before she went back to unpacking her suitcase and leaving Kate to wonder what would have happened if she hadn’t gone to Colette with this, if she had tried to work it out on her own. The redhead was pretty sure that wasn’t a road she wanted to contemplate.

 _fin._


End file.
